I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
