I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He passed out mid-signature
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
