id be glad to
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
