I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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