margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
