Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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