the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
