He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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