Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
