Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she smelled like a LAN party
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
