come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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