did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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