you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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