My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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