Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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