i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
His nipple licking is glorious
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