I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
