you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
