Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my being single is dangerous.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
