The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
