you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
