So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
