she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
