I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
