Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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