oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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