Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You can't motorboat a personality
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
