The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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