I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
