Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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