Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
