Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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