My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
