During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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