God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
