At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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