Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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