its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
