I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
