If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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