True but thats because hes a fetus.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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