what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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