one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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