So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
