jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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