Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
