Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
