I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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