I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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