i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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