The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
two words: eviction party
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
