Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
