I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
