I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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