You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
