I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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